We Would Totally Not Eat That: 40+”Gross Gourmet” Food PicturesBy Aileen D
Chefs are pretty much artists in their own right. They experiment with different ingredients to indulge your taste buds. Their dishes can shock, awe, or brings tears to your eyes – especially if what you just had brought to mind what you and your husband had for your first date.
But experimenting has its downsides. You can encounter mishaps in the kitchen. Jonas Nyffenegger once toyed with fermented fish. Everyone inside the room wanted to rip their noses off to get themselves away from the horrid smell! Some simply decided to leave. Fifty meters was considered a safe distance.
Indulging in this shock value, he and Sébastien Mathys came up with this Instagram page. On it, pictures of weird, ugly, or funny food pictures are posted. To be fair, some of the pictures are cute. But the common denominator is to shock and awe!
Ready to take a bite? Dive right in!
In a world full of people, choose someone who will stay true to you. Luckily, this man has found his match. He was walking past the store one day. For some reason, he turned his head sidewards and found himself bewitched. His hands reached for the door. He knew he had to have her hand…
of crispy fingers. Since Colonel Sanders created the secret formula, KFC had been selling the same finger-lickin’ good chicken. True to its word, the restaurant delivers a batch of crispy, juicy, tender meat, so good that you would want to put a ring on it. You’re always going to find yourself loving this yummy goodness.
How You Look Like
Ever munched on a burger and recoiled from all the grease found in that first bite? Quite a bummer, isn’t it. It will have you reaching for a wad of tissue. Well, this woman had bought a burger for her and her co-worker. It was the best-tasting burger in town. But before even taking a bite, she couldn’t help but want to throw it in the bin.
So that must be how we look when we’re hurrying to meet the 1 pm deadline. We opt for the burger on the street, eagerly unwrap it, squirt the sauce, and then mash the layers together. We lean in for a bite. And in all that time, this burger is met with our bared teeth and snarling appetite.
This kid was turning a year older in a few days. So his mom went to the bakery and had a cake reserved for the special day. Then she invited close friends and family to the event. On the big day, everyone wore their party hats and sang happy birthday to the birthday celebrant. Out of nowhere, he decided to sneeze all over his birthday cake.
If we were at this party, we would do ourselves a favor and kindly decline a slice of cake. All yours buddy! You’re a big boy now. You’ll need all those extra calories to grow stronger. Eat up and eat well! We’ll give this kid a gentle pat on the back and then fill our plate with bland sandwiches.
And The Winner Is…
Artists find themselves divided on this issue. You can’t imagine the number of hours people have discussed which mode for mixing color is better. Some say it’s RGB, whereas others claim it’s CMYK. Bosses have screamed. Clients have requested projects to be redone. But after the heated debates, the day has finally come. The issue has been settled, and the winner is…
RGB! To be fair, bacon tastes the same for us commoners. But there’s a vast difference between the modes of mixing color to artists. To them, beauty and visual representation matters. Of the two, you’re more likely to choose the plate on the left. That’s because RGB is best for digital work. The other plate is better for print products.
Dad is cooking in the kitchen. Unlike others, this one can cook a mean dish. He doesn’t even have to use flavor enhancers. We don’t know how he does it. The best part is that he can cook a dish in less than 10 minutes. He’ll have it served to you fresh from the stove, steaming hot and filled with umami goodness! So Dad, what smells?
No wonder its smell reached us meters away. We recoiled at the sight of shoes. Dad can be a great cook, but he has an odd way of serving it on your plate. It’s as if he wants the food all to himself. He will ruin your appetite with these horrendous plate presentations. Give us the fork!
Found The Missing Bud
Apple has been making more and more ridiculous business decisions. Loyal customers have to purchase chargers separately. And their product units are overpriced. A good case in point is Apple Airpods. Sure, they’re cute. You wouldn’t have to worry about a cord entangled around your ID. But lose one bud, and you’ll have to buy a new set!
We couldn’t recall where we had placed that bud. We could, however, remember using it last in the kitchen. The whole place has been swiped clean. There’s no sight of that left bud, at least, not until we started chopping scallions. Would you dare wear this in your ear?
Rally For A Cause
It’s time for a daily dose of reality. Live from downtown Seattle, protestors gather to bring justice to George Floyd. Wave after wave, people would carry their posters and march down Pike Street. Over time, protests have turned destructive. One woman was reported to have looted…
The Cheesecake Factory! Here she is carrying a strawberry-topped cheesecake. A bottle of champagne and wine glass are tucked under her other arm. Well, with the hours she has spent screaming on the street, she was starving. She has to stock up on sugar and alcohol to get her energy back up.
Follow The Trail
Much as we love pets, there are downsides to having one. You have to clean up after them, bathe them and feed them. It’s much like having a toddler, but your fur buddies have a shorter life span. Whether they intend to or not, pets have a way of getting on our nerves.
What are the odds of having a perfectly toasted slice of bread, and having melted cheese placed perfectly on top of it? The odds are 1 in 6. One reason for such a low probability is having a cat! It mustn’t have liked its owner enjoying the snack alone. Wanting to remind her hooman of her presence, she marked the sandwich with her paws. Now, that’s catty!
It’s The Most Wonderful Time
Christmas is just around the corner. Almost everyone is prepping their wish lists and stocking up on gift wrapping. After all, you wouldn’t want to waste your time lining up in the store to buy those. All around the neighborhood, houses stream with neon lights. And from time to time, you’ll catch a glimpse of a Christmas tree by the hearth…or salad bar.
As much as we love greens, we’re leaving this tree intact. It’s too pretty to eat! And so far, everyone is doing the same. It’s better to keep this tree as a design given the holiday season. The great thing about it is that it can also function as a centerpiece at home, on your dinner table. Isn’t the Christmas season the best?
Here Comes Johnny
When this man had purchased a pack of tomatoes, he dreamt of seeing them atop bouncing Romaine leaves. He washed them, shook them dry, and then placed them on a cutting board. He almost nicked his finger after seeing this malicious face smirking at him.
Who knew that eating food can be haunting? We would have quickly munched on this to rid ourselves of Johnny. We can’t look at it for more than five seconds, what with its crazy eyes and wide, gaping teeth. Even while chewing, we could feel a tinge of fear at the monstrosity passing through our lips. We hadn’t meant to kill this pulp-tastic fruit. But what’s done is done.
Gives Us the Creeps
Our generation has a dislike for carbohydrates. But whatever fad nutritionists and dietitians tell us, we have a healthy appetite for bread. There’s something comforting about a crisp outer layer of dough and chewy, soft goodness on the inside. Pizza, buns, or rolls, we’ll take them! But would you take a bite out of this?
Now that the critter’s head has been decapitated, we just might. We can’t tell what those legs are made of, but we are hoping its yummy crunchy pastry. Whoever made this dough has a funny way of enticing customers to take a bite. It’s a good thing it’s filled with pork…not centipedes.
So That’s Why It Hadn’t Taken Off
Remember when bakeries would tell people they could customize their cakes with photos of their loved ones? It seemed like a rad idea. With very little effort, you could show someone you had been thinking about them. And it only cost a couple of bucks. Well, after looking at this picture, we understand why that business prospect hadn’t taken off.
If only we didn’t have a sweet tooth. Then we can keep this cake immaculately preserved inside the refrigerator. With guests aplenty, mum has to cut a slice for everyone. Dad will get part of the lips because he helped make that. Grandma will get the cheeks because her son got his mirth from her. And the whole bulk of the head is reserved for mom. This is her brainchild.
It’s important to load up on calcium. Keep those bones healthy and strong. With our daily activities, you can’t afford to have poor bone health or have an irregular heart rhythm. Our source of calcium includes milk, sardines, green leafy vegetables, and cheddar cheese!
Unfortunately, this week’s budget has been stretched thin. We were only able to buy cheddar cheese in bulk. Not wanting to miss our daily dose of calcium, we packed it in a bun. It might take us half an hour to consume it all, but we’re certain it will be worth it!
Can You Slip On That?
This man had to buy groceries for his family. He had his wife write a list. After she had given it to him, he made a brief run-through. He was confident it might take him two stops to verify some of the products. He got an eco-bag and went on his way. At the top of the list, his wife had listed bananas. After buying a few bunches and bringing them home to her, he was bombarded with blows to the chest.
No bigger than a pinkie, this banana won’t suffice for a banana cupcake, let alone a banana bread. That batter will come out tasting bland. No wonder his wife had struck his chest. She pointed to the door. Bring me regular-sized ones! He obligingly brought out the stash he kept secret.
How Do You Like Those Eggs
You may live far from the Equator, but you’d still feel the effects of global warming. The summer heat grows more intense every passing year. Walking around the neighborhood feels muggy, especially with the heat rising from the ground. It’s like you could cook a breakfast on the street.
Say, how do you like those eggs? Without waiting for an answer, this man broke the shells. Yolk splatted on the concrete. There had been a dozen in total. And within an hour, much of the albumen(the transparent part of the egg) had grown white. Care for breakfast?
Made With Love
Do you remember your parents scolding you for playing with your food at the dinner table? We can. But that hasn’t stopped us from poking at ours when we’ve lost appetite. If we could make our food visually enticing, then we just might consume the whole bowl.
Someone took it to a whole new level. In all the times we have eaten noodles, we hadn’t thought of knitting them like this. That’s probably because we had struggled to eat with chopsticks. Can you feel your gusto growing? This comb – warm noodles and a knitted scarf, make for a cold winter eve.
How Adulting Feels Like
This picture sums up what adulting feels like. You have moved out of your parent’s house, and you’re probably putting yourself through college. You’re working overtime, and yet you’re struggling to make ends meet. Your free time is spent catching up on assignments, sleeping, or thinking about how much you’ve taken your parents’ efforts for granted.
You’re so broke you couldn’t even afford to buy yourself a cake. With some creativity, you mustard the courage to bake yourself a cake. It only took you a couple of seconds. As you blow the candle out, you envision yourself a year from now with a steady income and a degree in hand. Happy 21st birthday!
Replenish Those Lost Electrolytes
Most people don’t know that it’s important to hydrate and maintain electrolyte levels during an intense workout. Your body basically sweats them out. If you drink more fluids, you end up diluting the few electrolytes within your body. That’s why you might feel restless, lightheaded, or tired. When this man signed up for a biking marathon, he made sure he had a good dose of fluids and electrolytes.
Every couple of minutes, he’ll pitch in the pulp of the watermelon and take a bite. He’ll dig at the flesh and feel the fluid run down his throat. Then he’ll chew on the pulp and spit out the seeds. That’s a wise choice. But he’ll have to cycle twice as hard given the weight of this fruit.
Baby Got Buns
Babies are adorable. When they’re not crying, they’re fast asleep in your arms. It’s like having a cuddle buddy for the most part of the day. Their cheeks are puffed up with innocence, and their eyes shine with hope. You could pinch those cheeks and nibble on those arms, so long as you don’t wake them up.
Just look at those arms. You could mistake them for buns! Mommy almost took a part of her child’s arm, spread Nutella over it, and then bit on it. We wouldn’t want to wake this kid up for her snack. We would spend the whole afternoon pinching those arms. They’re too cute for this world!
We Like Them Bare
We don’t know what it is, but we find this picture interestingly sexy. Could it be because they’re all bare? They’re inviting us to come hither and take a bite. We don’t have to put in much effort in unpeeling these fruits. Even from afar, we can taste their pulpy, fibrous goodness!
Of them all, which would you pick and take a bite out of first? We’d go for the lychees! Just imagine its sweet, tangy juices rolling off your tongue. A drop might even creep out of your mouth. You’d dab at it and lick it off your fingers. Then you would extrude the seed. Take another bite from another piece of fruit. Delish!
Taste Like Metal
How do you know you’ve made the perfect chiffon cake? It’s when you can squeeze the sides of the cake together, and after releasing your hold, it will bounce back without any crumbs falling off onto the plate. To ensure this, you have to let the cake cool upside down in its pan.
While doing that, mom lost track of her mixing spoon. She spent a few minutes trying to find it. Where had it gone? She almost turned over every pot on the table to find it. So she got a new one from the cupboard. It’s a good thing she hadn’t lost the second one in the batter.
Unleashing The Monster In Us
We need to have our cup of coffee in the morning. That’s to tame the beast inside of us. The moment that dose of caffeine hits our tongue, we can feel the monster’s hold receding. We start feeling our normal selves again. It’s only then that we can respond to e-mails efficiently and respectfully. One morning, however, we encountered this mishap.
We lost our resolve. The next minute, we found ourselves shrieking and then tugging at our hair. We knelt on our knees and slammed our fists on the ground. Why, dear God, why?! We could feel the beast taking over. So we hurriedly ordered a new cup of brewed coffee.
Get The Ball Rolling
When having friends come over, it’s best to prep a few snacks. You could hoard a couple of bags of potato chips, Cheetos, or Cheese Puffs. Prep a bowl of each just after your guests arrive. Usher your guests into your living room and then turn on the music. Then pass that bowl around to get the ball rolling.
Within a couple of minutes, we’re certain that they’ll start talking. That will lighten the mood and help everyone ease a little. After all, they’re going to be block mates for the next couple of months. They might as well learn who they’ll be sitting in class next to. We’re hopeful it’s going to be a fun year!
Being a doting mom, Karen went to the local market to stock up her fridge. She got a few essentials and decided to buy some fruits. She had these weighed and paid for the merch at the counter. Seeing that her kid had been focused on studying, Karen decided to give him a snack. She slid that sharp knife into the Avocado. It didn’t seem to go in really deeply.
We never understood Karen until now. No wonder she’s so irritable when she comes to the mart to claim a refund. She purchased fruit so that she and her son could consume it. She hadn’t purchased Avocado to bite into a seed. We would be bummed out too. We would like to speak to the manager!
Too Pretty To Eat
For food enthusiasts, plating is just as important as the taste of food. They pay hefty amounts of money for it. They are served dime-sized protein sources and appetizers such as this. And as hungry as they may be, they don’t want to touch their plate. That serving is too pretty to eat.
We can’t even make a sandwich that allows you to have equal servings of ham from every possible angle. And yet, whoever made this, was able to make the fillings look like a garden. You have plants growing within. Quick, take a picture of it and upload it on Instagram.
After spending hours perfecting this spaghetti sauce, this woman had allowed it to cool briefly. There’s a food drive happening in a couple of minutes. She had to be there, ready to feed an army! She packed utensils in a bag and then updated her team leader. After having lost track of time, she hurriedly placed all the items in her van. If only she had taken her time…
Then she’d be able to get there just a couple of minutes late. Now, she’ll be arriving with only utensils in tow. How can she explain what happened? She wasn’t even able to drive in reverse. The car had been fully parked the whole time. Guess, this volunteer couldn’t handle the heat.
Trying Something New
Dad rummaged through the cupboards and the freezer. He had to come up with something new for dinner. Much as they loved canned goods, they had been eating it for two straight weeks now. It’s like they’re losing the taste for that umami goodness. He hadn’t had much luck finding poultry in the freezer. But he was able to carve one out of this.
It had been graded as premium quality raw meat. You won’t find that kind anywhere else in the market. So when Dad found it, he knew he had struck gold. Should he bake it or fry it? He asks his wife for some suggestions. He tells her it’s good for only two people. So their children will have to feed on the left- overs.
As much as we love cooking spaghetti, we dislike prepping the pasta; it takes up much of our time. You’d have to wait for the water to boil, add a pinch of salt and a spoonful of oil. Then you have to strain the water. That’s so much legwork for bland-tasting carbs. Say, where’d that strainer go?
Never mind. We can always use our tennis racket. After all, that’s what we paid a couple of hundred dollars to use it for. It’s perfect for this type of pasta. However, you wouldn’t be able to use it for macaroni or penne. A word of caution – if the water is too hot, you might end up with a broken tennis racket and pasta over the kitchen sink.
Men don’t like to admit it, but they’re every bit as conceited as we are. After all, they also crave attention. They set aside a couple of hundred bucks for their haircuts and tailor-made suits. Since this man had been unable to update his wardrobe, he turned his attention to his head. How can he have a glossy mane?
Genius idea – plaster a few gummy worms on your scalp. That way, you can complement the taste of that coconut drink and enjoy your youth. Carefully dab at your scalp. You wouldn’t want sweat to cause those suckers to fall off, wouldn’t you? Now plaster a few more so you can complete the look.
Meeee-how Would I Be Able To Get Rid Of The Packaging
After leaving a couple of slices of ham on the counter, this owner found her kitty looking glum in the corner. She saw that it had torn through the food packaging. No wonder it had been looking guilty. This kitty had been too eager. She got a mouthful of styrofoam instead of yummy meat!
You might have experienced this within the household. Your fur baby betrays your trust. You might have wanted your pet to ‘fess up. So you hold the broken vase, the torn shoe, or the stripped upholstery to your cat’s face and then prod her sweetly, Was it you who did this? Bad kitty!
Under The Sea
You know dad cooked dinner when you find the food arranged like this. People were drawn to it. It had been a conversation starter. There were a lot of giggles and snorts, but they couldn’t wait to taste the creamy goodness and briny, firm flesh of fresh seafood.
Just like these shrimps, they had gathered in this celebration. Just before they heaped servings onto their plates, they held hands and said grace. Dear Lord, thank you for these shrimps for having given up their lives so we could celebrate Thanksgiving Day. Amen!
Fresh From the Sewers
Each dish has a main ingredient. For Carbonara, it’s milk; for sushi, it’s rice vinegar; and for Chinese Red Eggs, it’s salt. Without it, you wouldn’t identify the food item by taste. Many people wonder what this restaurant’s main ingredient is when making crispy servings of chicken. When asked, the company would shrug their shoulders and smile. They have carefully guarded their chicken formula until now, owing to this humiliating tell.
Come right up, ladies and gentlemen. We have got a fresh batch of sewer rats fried to perfection. Each was gathered from every manhole within the city, tended for with food scraps, and then prepped for basting. With every bite, there’s a risk of Salmonella, which only heightens the taste! How many orders would you like to get?
Good Kitty, Bad Kitty
When this boy’ss kitty behaves badly, he scolds her. He doesn’t ask her if she has misbehaved. Instead, he carries her in his arms and brings her to the kitchen. He breaks some eggs, pours it into a bowl, and whisks it with milk. He adds a couple more ingredients and then heats the wok pan. Then he pours the batter on the sizzling metal. He makes sure his kitty sees everything.
Look at that bad kitty. Then he tells her a story about this bad kitty. It had run up the shelves and then pushed all the glass bottles to the floor. If you behave like this bad kitty, this happens to you. He clanks the spatula against the wok. Meanwhile, his cat is utterly fixated on the bad kitty paying the price for her mishap: bad kitty, no more.
A+ for Effort
With the explosion of new flavors across the market, more and more chefs are trying out foreign cuisines. In this restaurant, dishes are inspired by Southeast Asian cooking. You’ll find their shelves lined with Kikkoman Soy Sauce, Lee Kum Kee Sesame Oil, and Sushi Nori. Here’s one of the fan favorites – breakfast with a kick.
It doesn’t look much, but at least they put in the effort to shape the rice. Then they wrapped it with a sheet of nori seaweed. Just a couple inches of those dried sheets and we’re certain you will experience German hot franks a different way. We will give this an A+ for Effort!
Gotta Have Some For The Road
On a car trip, it’s best to pack some chicken nuggets for the road. You can share them with friends or family. No trip is complete without that bite-sized snack. They taste superb with fizzy drinks or Gatorade. You must have salad dressing, gravy, or sauce on the side! But with both hands on the wheel, how do you open those sauce packets?
Worry no more. Buy your favorite dressing, open the glove compartment, and squirt the whole bottle into it. Depending on preference, you could cleanse the glovie. We have found that it’s better to leave it as is. It heightens the taste of Western Family’s Creamy Ranch. Is that mom’s driver’s license? you ask yourself as you extrude a pulp of paper from your mouth.
A Unicorn Took A Dump
When you’ve gotta go – you gotta go, you have got to prep yourself quickly. Grab that wad of tissue paper, and rush to the nearest toilets. Armed with this survival tip, this man chose the toilet nearest to the door. He walked into the stall and was astonished to find this.
Some mythological creature had taken a dump. Judging from its color, weight, and porousness, it must be Fruit Loops. Now, there’s only one creature in the world that supplies these sweetened cereals. It’s unicorns. He backs away from the stall and momentarily forgets his stomach cramps. That’s two boxes worth of grain and fiber!
Time: 12:59 and Counting
While we nag our husbands of their forgetfulness, they have a funny way of making up for it. Take, for example, this dad. He had forgotten to check his daughter’s diapers. When mum came home, she threw a fit. Wanting to console his wife, dad stood by and did guard duty. He didn’t want to fall asleep, so he found a way to pass the time.
As of count, it’s 12 minutes and 59 seconds. Mum is doing a great job at pacifying her daughter, whereas dad is attempting to set a new world record. Funny…if dad can sustain this much attention on building a skyscraper out of cereal, he can surely handle the task of taking care of the baby. We’re certain he can break the world record of 13 minutes for that one.
Remember Hannibal’s first episode, Apéritif? Dressed in a chef’s uniform, Hannibal Lecter presses down on the meat and cut it into slices. His hands move gracefully, dodging the sharp edges of his knife. He sautés the meat and pours wine over it. The flames engulf the pan. What had been his source of meat?
Try watching it again and this time you might fully understand how grotesque that scene was. Inspired by Hannibal’s culinary skills, this man fashioned his egg omelet the same way. Don’t worry everyone, no one was injured for the making of this disaster.
When There’s A Will, There’s A Way
Feeling this scorching heat, this culprit knew he needed some refreshments. His eyes scanned the place. There were food stalls in sight. But he didn’t want to spend money. A truck of watermelons pulled up next to him. Its driver went out to speak to the store owner. Now is the time! He reached for the switchblade in his pocket and went straight to work.
He brushes past the store owner and tells the latter, that’s quality stuff right there. He feels the switchblade neatly tucked in his pocket and scurries off. The store owner looks at him quizically. No wonder! He says as he sees the damage done to a quarter of the fruits. To think, this had been done in plain sight.
This mom believes in natural medicine. As much as possible, she doesn’t want to give her children over-the-counter vitamins. She would rather buy fruits and vegetables that are rich sources of them. For this week, she had bought about six oranges for her and her sons. She had noticed that a fruit or two is missing from the bunch. She decided to do a little investigating.
Aha! This pulp of a man had been stealing fruits from the bowl. So mom placed her palm before the thief and turned him around. She snatched the whole fruit and ripped half of it. We can always share, you know. I wouldn’t mind. She placed the citrus thief on the table and let him be on his way.
How can pepperoni pizza be on sale? We fumbled with the box. The expiry date was two weeks from now. Its ingredients were complete, guaranteed to taste like your pan-fresh pizzas. We took one, paid for the merchandise, and went home. Wanting to taste it immediately, we opened the box.
So that’s why it was on sale. Other customers would stop before the pizza boxes and briefly glance at each brand. They basically skimmed over this one. If a company produces and markets pizzas of this quality, we wouldn’t be surprised why its sales are low. There wasn’t even a feedback hotline number printed on the box !
Why Women Have Longer Life Spans
Time and time again, scientists have come up with these results – women tend to live longer than men. The numbers don’t lie. It may baffle scientists, but we don’t think it’s much of a life mystery. Men are more likely to take life-threatening risks. It’s like they lack basic common sense. Case in point…
With the heat turned to max, that batter must have been scalding to touch. It didn’t matter to this man if he suffered second-degree burns. With his reputation on the table, he had to win. Look at that gleaming smile. Best enjoy the few short years of your life, Mister.
Have A Slice!
One of the best ways to boost morale is to treat your co-workers to lunch. You could talk about something other than work over a bite of pizza or some burgers. So this man set to work. He bought a couple of essentials from the store and read up on some recipes. His inspiration? His sense of humor.
Seriously, Kiwi? We can’t imagine what a slice of that would taste like. So our brains are set to remembering the taste of every ingredient. Kiwis are sweet, vegetables are bland, canned meat is salty. Mix it all up in what appears to be eel gelatin, and you’ve got a snack fit for a dog. Oh, our morale had been boosted alright. We can feel ourselves ganging up on our co-worker.
Ways To Beat The Heat
One of the best things to do each summer is to wear cotton sandos, and skate through the park. Afterward, we’ll lie under the shade of trees and talk about our future. We might head home or visit the local convenience store. Help ourselves to some iced treats.
Forget single serve. We’re going all out with our Gulp purchase. The fun thing about this is that there are several ways to beat the heat. You don’t have to buy ice cream or fizzy drinks. With some effort, you can make your own float in hand with an ice cream cone and a juice dispenser.
What Fad Diet Is This?
In order to make sense of fashion, think of it as art. Each designer uses fabric, plastic, and stencils to bring their artwork to reality. Unlike paintings or statues, their designs move and sashay down the run-walk. These are worn and reused, depending on the client’s mood.
Now, if you’re feeling extra sour today, slide your feet into a pair of these. Show off those long, toned legs. But you needn’t worry about people approaching you. The minute they see you sporting these kicks, they’ll maintain a safe distance. Nobody wants to associate themselves with a person who makes this fashion faux pas.
You Know You Have Siblings When…
People who grew up with siblings have self-esteem issues. You either shied away from attention or craved it. That’s because Dad and mom never had enough time to treat all of you equally. Another telltale sign is that you’re good at math. Whether it be chips, pies, or pizzas, food was distributed equally. You learned early on how to use calipers, rulers, and compasses.
And throughout the whole process, you would stand by the side, nudging your siblings for space. No way would they have a fraction of an inch more. You were all going to get equal sizes of Moon Pie. You all agreed. If someone so much as breaks the pact, you’re going to tell mom and dad. You will make sure they pay for this.
It’ll Help, They Said
Being an adult in this day and age is pretty stressful. There are so many deadlines to meet and people to please. The ultimate goal is to secure a bucket load of money and buy your private island. Until then, the best investment on the market is therapy and self-care
This man’s skin had been breaking out for the past couple of months due to stress. His co-workers told him that cucumber could solve the problem. Wanting to try it out, he bought some from the grocery store. He sliced them into pieces and then laid them all over his body. There weren’t any noticeable changes. He ran his hand down his back. He could feel a zit building. It will help you, they said.
We’d Like Some Fries
Ketchup lovers can relate. When buying fries at their local fast-food chain, they check to see if the condiment bar is good for self-service. That way, they can stock up on sauces as needed. Their second failsafe habit is to choose a table close to base. You will almost always see their food containers like this.
Forget the fries! Ketchup lovers love a good serving of fruit. And they can tell if you’re serving them quality tomatoes. Since McDonald’s has Heinz as its supplier, they occasionally drop by this store. It doesn’t matter if they buy hash browns or the smallest servings of fries. Remember, they’re in it for the ketchup!
Made Extra Creamy
How do you like your coffee? We like ours black. When work calls for serious business, you need to have caffeine running through your system. From time to time, we’ll have the barista add a couple of spoons of milk or sugar. But that’s if we’re taking a break. If it’s a job well done, the occasion calls for coffee that’s extra creamy.
Don’t worry. That’s just your regular bird dropping. That’s the secret to this divine cup of coffee goodness! In case you can’t stomach this picture, know that one of the most expensive coffee beans are those made from civets’ dung. A cup of kopi luwak costs around $80. Whereas you get this one for free!
Declared Persona Non Grata
This person made headlines when she posted this picture online. She was a foreigner in London. It took her quite some time to get accustomed to their customs and norms. She had also been struggling with the cost of living there. To cut expenses, she found a great way to repurpose pasta water.
And that’s why she was declared persona non grata. Tea is a way of life for Londoners. There isn’t a day that goes by without them brewing a cuppa. It’s serious business – tea infusion. How you brew your tea determines your chances of success at the workplace and with friends. So don’t go around using pasta water!
Don’t Forget to Eat Your Vegetables
In this household, mom has a difficult time getting her children to eat their vegetables. She spends an hour dicing them and then blanching them. But these often end up in the bin. So her husband came up with a failsafe idea to get them to eat it. Voila!
Now they’ve spent about an hour and a half prepping it. That doesn’t matter, though. Their kids have the gusto to dig in. Who wouldn’t? You would really have to dig in to get a slice of that meatloaf. Might as well take a bit of each – green peas, corn, carrots, and rice! Yuuummy!
Have a Jabbacado Toast
We’re certain you remember this Hutt crime lord. He is vicious, rude, and he weighs over 3000 pounds. You can bet the ground shook as he partly slid / partly walked over it. Jabba the Hutt has come to claim his debt. He makes no exceptions, not even for Han Solo.
In case you’re wondering, Jabba the Hutt was made from avocado. Andy Kelly, a former restaurateur, mashed and whipped him up from the pits of Nal Hutta. It only took him a couple of minutes to make this masterpiece. Wouldn’t you want to bite that? That’s the only way you can balance the force.
When You’re At The Food Bar
One thing to look forward to at each party is the food bar. You should position yourself near it. That way it’s easier to ask for refills and to fix you and your girlfriend a plate of food. At a party, this man wanted to feast on sausage franks. So he set himself a plate fit for a king!
That is such a rad customization! When biting into it, you’ll taste the briny, meaty goodness of turkey, chicken, and beef. You won’t have to worry about those buns ruining the taste. There’s only a stripe of them in the middle. Just before every bite, you can dip the end into a hodgepodge of ketchup and mustard. Delish!
Cooking For Dummies
At what age did you learn how to cook pasta? We learned it around grade school. It’s fairly easy to mimic after seeing our mums prepare spaghetti in the kitchen. Sadly, not everyone learns this basic lifehack. It’s like this is someone’s cookingfirst-time noodles in the kitchen.
Someone found the pasta a bit too bland last time. They had wanted it saltier, hence the mound of Himalayan salt. It would have been better if they broke the noodles in two, or they could have gotten a larger pot for everything to fit in. But then again, everyone has got to start somewhere.
Disinfection 101 : Coronaviruses
You could have a fun time in the kitchen if you get creative. Wanting to channel the stress brought by the quarantine, this man fashioned his meatballs into Coronaviruses. At least, that’s what he had imagined these to be. Then he dipped them in a pot of boiling water. That, folks, is maybe how you kill those darn viruses, but please don’t take our word for it.
In case you’re wondering, he had stuffed cheese inside each and then stuck mushroom all over it. We can only imagine what they taste like. But one thing is for sure; it’s making our mouths water. That would go really well with Italian red sauce.
It’s a Pug’s Life
If you’re a dad, then you must know how to make pancake art. You wouldn’t need much to create a masterpiece – just your regular pancake mix, food coloring, water, and your muse. For this dad, it was his pug. He thought, it would be a challenge to turn that wrinkly, short-muzzled face into food.
He called his boy to sit by his side. Every couple of seconds, he would look at it. He poured part of the batter and fashioned the head into it. Then he poured part of the mix that would form its mouth. In a couple of minutes, he had set it on a plate and stuck pieces of banana on top. Mirror image!
Playing Coats and Daggers
You’re minding your own business, reading the paper with coffee in hand at a table outside. You see this guy at a distance. He skulks towards people and then shows them the insides of his coat. They draw away, looking disgustedly at him. You reach for your phone. Maybe you should call the cops. He sees you. You can make out the distinctive shape of something long and hard.
Then he shows you the merch. Would you like some baguettes? You stare for a few seconds and then convulse into laughter. Mister, that’s one strange business you have got there. Here you thought he was selling smuggled contraband. But really, it had just been smuggled fresh from the oven.
Need A Face Mask?
This restaurant chain in Madurai, India, needed to up their game. They had been losing clients due to the Covid scare. They had to come up with a dish that people would consider essential. So they fashioned parotta into this! Wouldn’t you want to wear this mask on the street?
It had been a funny marketing campaign, but it worked. Imagine – you could go out and protect yourself from Covid droplets while munching on this mask. The only deal-breaker is that you must have had arrived home when you finish eating it. We’ll take a dozen, please!
We wouldn’t have thought we’d come across this lime-colored, single-eyed monster in the kitchen. Mike usually visits our kids in their bedrooms during sleep. He opens the portal from Monsters, Inc. So why is he terrifying the sous–chef?
Not to worry, Mike has once again befriended our cook. They have concocted a plan that would get them twice as many scares in daylight. Mike sat atop the stool, and then our sous-chef got to working. Within minutes, he had these terrifying Kiwi fruit looking like the misfit monster.